Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Six? Sorry, I Only Talk To People Who Are Atleast Sevens...

Forbes Magazine recently compiled a list of the Top Pundits in America and with the surge of talking heads that have suffocated the airwaves in recent years, one would presume that they'd have a pretty interesting list. And I mean, it's Forbes Magazine, right? Smart, sophisticated financial mag that's got it's finger on the pulse of society today, yes? Uhhh...FUCK NO.

Here is their Top Ten most influential/important/powerful pundits in America :

  1. Roger Ebert - Okay, he's old, self absorbed and has a questionable sense of taste (he fucking wrote and helped make "Valley of the Dolls" for Christsakes) but alot of people know him and trust him, just cause of his thumbs thing, and the fact that his reviews don't have to be read (earns points for our illiterate demographic)
  2. Bill Maher- Well known, opinionated, interesting discussions...not bad.
  3. Bill O'Reilly- This man exists for lists like these...I'm actually surprised he's not atleast 2
  4. Al Franken- He's sorta good enough, sorta smart enough, and gosh darn it...um some people like him...(Stewart? Colbert? Please?)
  5. Geraldo Rivera- This is where the WTF Line is officially crossed. Geraldo? Influential pundit? Really? His ratings are no where fucking close to O'Reilly or Maher, or even carries as much influence as fucking Ann Coulter or Rush Limbaugh (neither of which make the list)
  6. Rosie O'Donnell- The spiral into the WTF Zone continues. Okay, she's loud, opinionated and polarizing...something she only garnered within the past year being on the View. Prior to that she was a cutesy-Tom Cruise-loving-cuddly-morning-show-host/quiet closet lesbian/C-list actress (well maybe B-list, I mean she is friends with Madonna after all)
  7. Leonard Maltin- Another film critic...really? I actually used to like this guy when I was growing up (Ebert&Siskel/Maltin/Lyons were my childhood trifecta of film critics I liked watching, not because of their opinions, just 'cause they showed me the possibility that people could actually get paid to sit around and talk shit about movies; Granted, Maltin is the type who seems to like EVERY movie, especially ones with actors he gets to interview)
  8. Greta Van Susteren- According to Forbes, "famous for covering O.J. and getting a facelift..." Wow. Well, I guess if Geraldo got in...why the fuck not. If only Janeane Garofalo was more prominent...Sigh. (Fantasizing about the days of Mystery Men/Truth About Cats and Dogs)
  9. Lou Dobbs- After the previous 4, I can actually swallow this one. He's angry, belligerent, borderline/explicitly racist and he's on CNN. Shit, that should atleast have bumped him up higher than Maltin.
  10. Bill Walton- For some reason, this is the one that actually pisses me off the most. They only picked one sports pundit, and out of the thousands upon thousands of pundits (Patrick, Kornheiser, christ, I'd even be open to fucking Berman or the beloved George Michael of the Sports Machine) they fucking pick BILL WALTON? Not a sports pundit who discusses all sports, no, a former Dead-Head who only covers basketball. Christ, Walton's like everyone's annoying old grand-uncle, the one who keeps going on and on about his scars fighting in Nam, when everyone in the family knows he got discharged for accidentally shooting himself while masturbating in the trenches.

So that's the list; a list apparently compiled by a market research group on over 60 pundits. That's it?! Only 60? How does Maher and Franken make the list, but not Stewart/or Colbert? O'Reilly but no Olbermann? Geraldo but no Donahue or Maury?

Once again, yet another example of how market research groups still have no fucking clue as to what today's society is in tune with...and now for more on this, Bill Walton:



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