Thursday, November 29, 2007

Mabuhay My Ass

Cultural pride be damned. When the only notable contribution to pop culture your people have made is a glorified Ivana Trump wannabe with a pathetic shoe addiction paid for by millions of dollars that were supposed to be allocated to your poverty stricken third world country population, you might be jealous of other cultures too.

Now for a rundown of random contributions my abysmally mediocre people have provided:

Cheryl Burke of "Dancing with the Stars":
-Sadly, a large portion of the Filipino American population turned out in droves and voted vehemently primarily because Burke was Filipino. No other reason. So Drew Lachey and Emmitt Smith can thank my people for mobilizing in full force, wanting to see their beloved Burke shake her ass to one badly covered song after another.

Thank God the sleazy Ian Ziering and the illustriously orange Wayne Newton put her back-to-back run to bed. (I don't watch the show outside of staying informed as a means of communicating with my mother, but big ups to Helio Castroneves, who last I heard ended his engagement to hit that his barely legal-Mormon-back-to-back-winner-ass)

Weng Weng:
-Were it not for the wonders of YouTube, whole generations would have missed out on the wonder that is Weng Weng, the dashingly diminutive 2'9 Filipino best known for his ridiculous action/comedy homages to James Bond popular in the Philippines in the 70s and 80s. Now I actually don't mind his celebrity as much; the peculiar hilarity of his image and films deserved to be skewered by today's viral video lovers. That being said, it ain't exactly flattering to have many people readily associating Flips with goofy looking midgets.

Filipino prison inmates rehearsing the routine for Michael Jackson's "Thriller":
I don't know if there is anything worth commenting on aside from saying," Psshhhhhh......Sighhhh." (Smacks head and procedes to violently slam it against desk till blood begins dripping down forehead.)

How the fuck this has been viewed 20 million times, mentioned in every year-end viral video best of list, and referenced in Time Magazine is beyond me.

Desperate Housewives boycott:
Feeling slighted once again by the "Man" Filipinos are apparently uniting to boycott the popular ABC dramedy because of a supposedly racially insensitive remark. Now I'm all about fighting for social equality, and hate ethnic ignorance as much as the next guy, but as a Filipino myself, I gotta say, this is some frivolous bullshit.

Much like the stupid ban on Claire Danes it just feels like another lame attempt at getting sympathy from the world community, a community that knows shit about your vaguely indistinctive culture because you're too busy trying to emulate everyone else's culture instead of developing something uniquely your own.


In the realm of relevant news:

Another botched coup attempt occurred, as civil unrest, widespread violence, and social and political chaos continue to prevail....

Ah, fuck it. How bout we watch the new Desperate Housewives and throw on that Weng Weng music video one more time?

0 painful displays of affection:

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