Sunday, December 2, 2007

Football Fashionista

I don't do autographs.

No matter how much I admire/love/lust after some person of notoriety or fame, I've always maintained some level of detachment. Eh, they're famous, big-fucking whoop, right?

But I will go the extra mile for a friend. So in 2003, I found myself waiting on line, at a fucking Best Buy, trying to get a good friend of mine an autograph of her beloved Tiki Barber.

I don't know what's worse; the fact that I was willing to stand in line for almost an hour, the fact that it was in the DVD section of Best Buy (despite the fact that Barber had absolutely nothing on sale to promote)or the fact that, when I was asked who the autograph was for, one of Tiki's heavy set handlers chimed in:

"Ah, Tiki-Man, that's freaking sweet a' da' kid. Hey kid, what's ya name? You should write one out of 'im too."

Which is why I found myself shaking the "Tiki-Man's" hand... thanking him for an autograph I didn't want, and feigning a smile and adulation for someone who I then saw only as the possessor of one of the most fumble-happy hands in the NFL, coupled with an unintentionally funny Golden Crust Jamaican patties endorsement.

Now onto the past week's edition of "ProRun" featuring, you guessed it (No, you fucking didn't, cause no one watching ProRun would've fucking guessed it) the one and only Tiki Barber, the celebrity subject of the week who presented a nice challenge for this underwhelming fourth season crew.

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And who would've thought designing menswear could be so difficult and so deliciously entertaining?

Sweet Pea's ill fated attempt at a simple dress shirt and tie combination recalled something similar to what I looked like after my first day of kindergarten at Catholic School (complete with American flag patterned tie in tow).

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And the gone-but-easily-forgotten-Carmen's No shirt, No crotch, No problem emsemble winning the prize for most pathetic argument: "I have enough integrity as a designer to admit that this is not me."

Really? A part of me wishes they combine Sweet Pea and Carmen's outfits and stretch em over Chris March, who has emerged as this season's "funny-gay-guy-even-homophobic-straight-guys-can-feel-comfortable-around."

As for the winning design...Jack's two piece snore? Zzzzzz...someone please contract AIDS or cheat or fight or fuck or something...

Random note:

It feels good to have one's opinions validated, if not similarily echoed in this week's EW:

Much like the grizzled alocholics-in-the-making who compose the casting pool for MTV's Real World, Runway contestants now walk into the Parsons sewing room already jaded, ready to pitch fits or gaze adoringly at mentor Tim Gunn. Things have become too self conscious in the House of Heidi. Or when the newbies start to remind you of the show's veteran's..." - Ken Tucker, EW, 12/7/07

It almost makes me feel like I'm capable of writing rambling observations for major national entertainment mags...almost...

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