Friday, December 7, 2007

People I Actually Love # 2

There is no way I could actually like Alec Baldwin. No fucking way.

Old school movie star good looks.

Obnoxious pedigree of equally heralded good looking family.

Long-ah Island asshole.

Star of a movie that even at age eight I realized was a piece of shit I wasted money on, "The Shadow."

Once married to an overrated blonde blue eyed old school movie star good looking woman whose most notable contribution to society was winning an Oscar for "L.A. Confidential" and parlaying that success into a role as slutty trailer trash mother of Eminem in " 8 Mile."

Yet somehow I fucking love this guy. How? It all began with a simple scene, in an overbloated, loud, shitty movie, "Pearl Harbor."

Not necessarily verbatim, but close enough:



Before a crowded room, Baldwin strategizes with a group of fighter pilots. Following a longwinded plan of attack, he is questioned by a fighter pilot.

Sir, what do we do if we run out of fuel over enemy territory?

Baldwin pauses, looks at the men with intensity and speaks.

I don't know you about son, but if I were you, and I were running out of fuel, and it might be the last thing I'd do on God's green Earth ...I'd find the sweetest piece of Japanese ass and fly myself right in there... But that's just me.

Group of pilots become energized and invigorated. America wins.

End Scene.

And with that...he had me at hello.

From mediocre leading man to fanfuckingtastic character actor, Baldwin has adjusted and developed into an actor few mainstreamers (like myself) could have possibly forseen.

He's the go-to-guy for tough mobster asshole/salesman/cop("Brooklyn Rules"/"Glengarry Glenross"/"The Departed"), average straight man ("Beetlejuice"/"Notting Hill"/"Elizabethtown"), over the top funny fatass boss ("Along Came Polly/"Fun with Dick and Jane") or just doing a fucking voiceover ("The Royal Tenenbaums"/"The SpongeBob Square Pants Movie")

Genuinely hardworking and hilarious, he's one of the few actors I genuinely look forward to seeing, knowing that no matter how mediocre the film may possibly be, it'll always be bouyed by his singular, albeit complementary, prescence.

It's great to see theater work as thorough and decisive as this:

(I know, hearing him coldly say,"Go home and play with your fucking kids" is somehow hilarious in retrospect.)

be as equally strong and hilarious as this.
(Never have I laughed so hard at something so borderline racist.)

Whatever he does, I watch. Whatever he says, goes. Maybe his daughter really is a "thoughtless little pig."

Why? Cause Alec said so.

On my third day on the job at a record store, I saw Alec Baldwin and helped him in the DVD section. That same day I quit.

Why? Cause Alec said so.

How? With his eyes. His misty blue eyes.

0 painful displays of affection:

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