Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Random Thoughts From a Random Guy # 2: "MARCO..."

(Editor's Note: I failed to do it earlier, but I'd like to formally welcome The Brown Cary Grant to SMFIH. He's brown. He misses the days when men were men, and women were women. He likes horse racing and futbol. You have been warned. )

Can you keep a secret? Hopefully, you can’t.

I don’t want you to keep this secret. I want you to go out and tell everyone you know. They have been pushing football, basketball, and baseball (which are all great sports) down your collective throats.

But what if I told you there was a sport that was just as violent as football, and required just as much skill as baseball? A sport so captivating that they don’t want you to know about it?

The sport is called polo, and it is not for pussies!

I won’t go into all of the rules- you can find that out on your own- and you will want to. The game is played on a field three hundred yards long. The width varies. The game is broken down into six chukkas, which are like quarters or periods. Each one lasts about seven minutes. Both horse and athlete must be well conditioned. The action is so intense that these seven minutes can feel like an eternity.

I know that you associate this game with Paris, Nicole, Kim, L.C., and whoever the fuck is the girl with the fake boobs on "the Hills." I forget her name- but that is not the point. The point is that your mind has been poisoned. Look at it this way: people who mindlessly rebel against the establishment are just as sad as the people who follow it. Keep an open mind!

You don’t have to wear the preppy polo gear. Wear a wifebeater and a helmet!

Train your polo horse to be a badass! Make this sport your own!

In 1947, an entire nation of oppressed Indians said, "No" to British rule but "Yes" to afternoon tea. This is smart because there is nothing like tea and biscuits when you’re tired and just want to punch someone (Tea has almost as much caffeine as coffee).

We must not forget just because we reject the negative aspects of a culture that does not forbid us from being able to embrace the positive aspects. Sometimes they know a good thing when they see it, and I’m hoping that you do too.

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