Saturday, December 22, 2007

Random Thoughts From a Random Guy's Best Year Never: Most Overrated of 2007

(DISCLAIMER: The views expressed in the following are those of the Brown Cary Grant and do not necessarily reflect the views of the editorial staff of So Much Fun It Hurts, its administrator or people accidentally caught reading it. Other than that...enjoy.)


Everyone loves to bitch, everyone loves a list, and everyone loves to get nostalgic about shit that isn’t worth getting nostalgic about. Somehow, I feel that you are no different. So, here’s a list of the Most Overrated Things in 2007:



Karolina Kurkova: She’s too tall, too thin, and too ugly. Let’s face it, if the Victoria’s Secret crew have a DUF, she's it.



MySpace: It’s Facebook’s creepy older cousin. Now that Facebook allows people who aren’t in college to have accounts, MySpace has become the creepy older cousin who tried to kiss you. Stay away!



Homogenous race people: If you’re hot, it’s cause you’re bi-racial. If you ain’t,it’s cause you not.



Calling Beckham Overrated: Relax! He is overrated. I’m just saying that if you can’t name a single player on Chelsea’s roster, or a single team Mr. Beckham has played for, or think that Landon Donovan is the quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles, shut the fuck up!



PCs: Ask to borrow your friends Macbook Pro and you’ll know what I mean.



Larry Craig: You call that a sex scandal?! Let John Edwards get in office. He’ll show you a sex scandal.

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Empathizing with developing nations: Equatorial Guinea and Angola are being dubbed the new Kuwait and Dubai. Meanwhile, America is still feeling the effects of the sub-prime mortgage crisis. Sorry to burst your bubble, Sally Struthers.



Relationship Experts: I’m a pretty intelligent guy, but even I can’t begin to tell you why seemingly perfect couples get divorced while Diane Lane is still happily married- and neither can the so-called experts.

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Free Time: People always say that if they had free time that they would join Habitat for Humanity or Save the Whales- Bullshit! If the average person had free time he/she would spend it masturbating or buying songs for their karaoke machine. You are more productive at work, trust me.

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Birth Control: Just ask Jamie Lynn.

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Specifying your religious denomination: I highly doubt that the average soldier knows or even cares about whether you’re Sunni, Shiite, or Kurd. I highly doubt that a suicide bomber would think twice about attacking you if he knew you were Episcopalian.



Skinny Bitches: I don’t care about most of the things Paris Hilton does, but she is causing thick woman to lose their badunkadunk and I do care about that.



Office Romances: Most of the women in my office are over the age of 40. So, there will be no Krasinski-Fischer type romances for me unless Mr. Jose Cuervo plays wingman.



Hannah Montana: I know teeny bopper music isn’t supposed to be intelligent, but “I st-st-stuttering when you asked...what’s wrong with me?” My best friend Leslie said 'she’s just being Miley.' These aren’t lyrics-they’re a fucking journal entry. As I speak she’s selling out shows across America and is poised to be an international sensation (like her dad?)



Bloggers: Just because someone writes for a blog it doesn’t mean that he is worth listening to. Perez Hilton has a blog. You wouldn’t listen to him would you? (Editor's Note: Not like the Brown Cary Grant is a blogger or anything...)

0 painful displays of affection:

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