Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Nas Rocks Rock Band Harder than Matt Lauer



Who knew Nas could rock the Rush better than Matt Lauer rocked the Bon Jovi?



In the head-to-head battle over who can faux rock better, it's:

  • Hip-hop: 1
  • Middle-aged white people: 0

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Chicken ala Can

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(Via)

I thought this was a joke when I first heard of it, until someone at the office actually brought this into work. Absolutely vile, it makes SPAM look like Duck ala Orange in comparison.



If you're eating or about to eat, you may want to avert your eyes.

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Subway love


BurnedByLove.com - Subway Girl from Burned by Love on Vimeo.

I guess an uh, interesting way of selling a book that pretty much doesn't have anything to do with the viral videos marketing the book.

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Hoop Dreams


Definitely one of my favorite movies of all time. I remember seeing this as an eight year-old and realizing just how powerful the medium of film could be for the first time.

As a sports fan, as a film fanatic, and as a human being being able to empathize with the fleeting nature of childhood dreams...this is as good as it gets.



And while their athletic dreams didn't exactly pan out, and the harsh reality of poverty and crime set it, it's hard not to root for these guys, and be proud of the men they've become.

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Selling The Spirit with Subtlety

My favorite moment of day during my morning commute:

"
Mommy, what does 'On Your Knees' Mean?" a child asked his mother about The Spirit posters strewn above subway entrance.

"Keep your eyes on the ground honey. This isn't home. Not all things are safe to look at," proceeds to shield child's eyes from Scarlett Johansson poster.

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(Via)

Based on the preliminary trailer, The Spirit veers dangerously close to being comically over the top, stylistically looks like a less impressive Sin City retread, and what the hell do they have Sam Jackson wearing?



Either way, any promo campaign that may possibly force parents to awkwardly discuss sex with their little ones is a-okay is my book.

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Tuesday, July 29, 2008

If you can't smile at Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog you are dead inside

It was taken down from the official site but is now back online (and free, yay) on Hulu.



And yes, there will be more acts to follow (double yay).

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The Lost Boys sequel: Insert joke here

(Via)

That is all.


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Horrible celebrity whores at parties celebrating frozen hamburgers make me happy


I don't make it a point of mocking celebrities that have no business wasting precious ink or webspace on their worthless names.

But I was having a bad start to my day until I discovered beautiful joy of seeing the Carrier of All That is Useless and Herpes-like celebrating the 40th birthday of McDonald's Big Mac.


(Via)

Now I'm not trying to act all high and mighty and too cool for school, but at what point in your life past the age of 10 have the words "McDonald's Big Mac 40th Birthday Party" made you think going would be a cool thing to do?


Oh celebrity whores...I hate you so much that I love you.

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Zooey Deschanel is Too Cute for Her Own Good

(Via)

I'm a big sucker for hipster cuteness, and Zooey Deschanel is as cute as they come. Her band She & Him have been a nice hit, and her forays into big budget films have been a mixed bag (Elf/The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy- yes; Failure to Launch/The Happening-hell no) to say the least.

A recent indie release, The Go-Getter, tests the uber-hipster cuteness factor to its limits.


While the film may have been the impetus for the aforementioned She & Him, it's a fairly mediocre take on the coming of age/road trip movie, that can be mind numbingly monotonous at times. Deschanel is cute as hell as always, but her role as the hipster wet dream is gratingly disingenuous and her love affair with Lou Taylor Pucci plays out like a naughty babysitter/little boy relationship than anything remotely realistic or satisfying. Here's hoping Deschanel gets more interesting roles that build on, rather than exploit her cute appeal.

For a blast from her past, Deschanel's rarely remembered turn as the girlfriend to Conan-replacee Jimmy Fallon's "Idiot Boyfriend"

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Excuse Me While I Try to Google Some Cuil

(Via)

I'm all for open competition with the big boys, and I'm definitely a sucker for sleek, sexy design. But for a first day launch, the new search engine Cuil is a bit of a disappointment.

No images, no video, and none of a whole mess of other things that have become customary in a Yahoo/Google world makes it appear as if Cuil pulled the gun on the launch a bit too early for its own good.

Now excuse me as I resume my Google Image Labeler game, try to find my home on Google Maps, and Google Shop for a new futon while viewing political propaganda on Google Video.

Oh big bad corporate Google, where would I be without you? (probably barely getting a college degree while lamenting my adolescent disdain for mastering the Dewey decimal system)

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Monday, July 28, 2008

Nothing like hipster porn to pass a workday afternoon

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For those of us bummed out by the recent demise of HBO's Tell Me You Love Me, try the IFC/Nerve's Young American Bodies, an online indie drama short series which recently started its third season.

Similar to Tell Me You Love Me, Young American Bodies focuses on all the idiosyncrasies and minutiae of physical and emotional intimacy, except subtract the gravity and complicated depth of the older Tell Me couples and replace them with whiny, confused, and conflicted twenty-somethings who really like to get naked. ALOT.

Naked ALOT. Like wow, I'm kinda tired of seeing you get naked all the time ALOT.


The acting is effective, though sometimes it does give off a student art film turned porn gone awry feeling. While the characters do feel real, the sex and nekkidness in every webisode can feel sorta forced, and damn near exploitative.

Still, it's an interesting show to watch while working on not working while at work (that is of course, if your boss is actually cool with really NSFW stuff).

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"Do you blog?" is the new "What's your major?"



Overheard at bar/lounge in Meatpacking District late Saturday night:


Man: "So yeah, I'm uh, I'm really into political blogging..."

Woman: "Wow, really? I've always wanted to date like a real blogger!"

Leaves bar together to 'blog.'

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Art meets Commerce at the pole


So today's slow news cycle question of the week seems to be Iowa's current quandary : "Is stripping an art?"

For those of us with friends in the industry, have busted our asses embarrassing ourselves at pole dancing aerobics classes, or just admire the work of our fellow sisters struggling to get by...no. But it isn't as easy as it looks.

By the way Iowa, Norway already decided stripping was art. So, uh yeah, there you go.

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W. Trailer



My esteemed colleague may not be hyped about it, but it does look like a rip roaring biased good time. It'll probably bomb.

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Sunday, July 27, 2008

Mad Men Cometh

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Just a few more hours away...

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Leave Maggie Gyllenhaal... Alone?



Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and hotness or fineness as defined by the likes of uber douche Chris Wylde and social caricature whore Stephen A. Smith does not apparently include Maggie Gyllenhaal's performance in The Dark Knight.

(Via)

I know I'm biased (mainly because of my pretentious admiration for all things brunette and indie cute) but the fact that the biggest complaint by some male moviegoers was that Gyllenhaal wasn't "hot enough" just pretty much shows that to some sadly, a man acting is an actor, and a woman acting is someone hot who needs to arouse us in between scenes.

(Via)

And sure Katie Holmes is slightly cuter, but Christ, do we really need Queen Xenu to be all up on the promotional campaign? (incidentally, she turned down the role for the abominable Mad Money) Or better yet, maybe Jessica Alba would have been a more believable Assistant District Attorney?

Now excuse me while I shake my head in shame over my sex's ignorant pigheaded sexism, and resume my perusal of high class artsy porn.

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Saturday, July 26, 2008

Favre Keeps the Madden Curse Rolling

(Via)

I know he hasn't officially been injured or anything yet, but his horrific fall from grace going from America's sweetheart to annoying malcontent has assuredly helped Mr. Favre tarnish some semblance of nice guy honor he once had.

All this, after the new Madden 09 cover was released. Apparently, hopes to kill the curse by putting a retired player on the cover just didn't pan out.

(Via)

As a Giants fan, I thank Favre for the tragic interception he gave us in overtime in the playoffs.

But a part of me still pines for the days of "Far-veray" lore:

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Friday, July 25, 2008

Robert Rodriguez Continues to Remake Movies I Didn't Know Needed to be Remade

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I'm all for retro remakes, homages to pulp, B-movie goodness, and I've enjoyed Rodriguez's past mindless violent fun epics (Planet Terrror, Sin City, Desperado) but this new Red Sonja has the disappointing vibe of being just another uber violent 300 with boobs (granted, they are Rose McGowan's boobs, but mindless violent boobs nonetheless).

And did we really need someone to build on the campy craptasticality that was Brigitte Nielsen's Red Sonja?

(Via)

Hopefully his new Barbarella pans out better.

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Thursday, July 24, 2008

All Babies Are Beautiful. No, No They're Not.

(Via)

It's been a relatively slow Thursday, so nothing warms the heart more...than mocking the ugly spawn of celebrity.

And for those of us not famous enough to have tabloids pay for pictures of our ugly babies, the Ugly Baby Contest.

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We do chicken right. Vegan? Not so much

I sorta understand the uproar over the not-so-vegan friendly vegetarian KFC sandwich, but uh, if you're vegan, do you really wanna eat at a KFC?

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American Teen wants me to like it so much I hate it

(A self-aware parody of the Breakfast Club. Ha, ha..ugh)

I like my 'real-ish' reality as much as the next girl, but this week's new indie documentary, American Teen, pushes the boundaries of just how fake we really want our reality to be.

It's filled with the usual archetypes- the jock, the nerd, the loner, the popular girl, etc., and plays the sweet All-American card in all its gag inducing earnest glory.


The trailer has been running before a bunch of big budget films (like Iron Man) this summer, and most of the crowds seemed warm to it, with the appropriately timed laugh at the acne afflicted geek or the mildly offense Magic Johnson joke, but it's hard not to be cynical about film with kids so aware of who they're perceived to be, and what role they're supposed to play. I'm not saying it's as fake as the Hills, but it's hard look past the contrived overall feel of the doc.

Am I supposed to be all giddy about identifying with their "which one were you?" tagline or about another coming of age picture that pretty much does nothing to show something new, but just beat the same familiar dead horse?

Yes, apparently I am.


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OMFG, I still don't care

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I don't know why, but these ads just don't really do it for me. They do make me want to watch the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2, strangely enough.

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Stuff White People Like: Getting Married More Than Black People?

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Aside from the sometimes lackluster bullshittery that saddles much of CNN's necessity to find almost anything to fill it's 24 hours, it's recent special report, "Black in America" has been an interesting (albeit maddeningly disjointed at times) series of fostering discussion and debate.

I'm all for digging deep into the sociological, economic, and political structures that define the struggle for cultural and individual identity, and with bylines like "Is Marriage Really Just For White People?" it has to be somewhat interesting or infuriating, depending on where you stand.



Bonus points go to whoever can name all of Soledad O'Brien's ethnicities in three seconds or less.

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Eddie Murphy Was Once So Brilliant It Hurts...



Brilliance like this makes it hard to stomach atrocity like this:

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Wednesday, July 23, 2008

ProRun Season 5 Episode 2


Grass Is Always Greener
The designers are forced to think green in the second episode of Project Runway -- with the help of their trusted model. Guest Judge: Natalie Portman.
Via


This new 9pm time is completely messing with my flow. Anyway, amid-ProRun episodes I was sent an email from Mr. SilentButDeadly regarding a ProRun information leak with the next four auf'd designers fully on display. I didn't want to look at it but my curiosity got the better of me and I went to the website. I guess all I can do is hope for the best and see if the leak is real.

The episodes starts with Suede once again talking in third person. Mr. Tan monster wrote something on the blackboard with the suffix of "-licious" and succeeds in making me want to kill him in two separate episodes.


Designers get to pick their models this time around and a few switch while most stick with the one assigned to them last episode. Jerell attempts to make a model switch into Zulema-gate 2.0 but fails when he doesn't keep on about it and/or didn't begin to cry like Nick.

Heidi announces that the models will be their clients. "Another season one rehash," I begin to think just as soon as Heidi also tells the designers that they'll be using green, natural fabrics instead of whatever they wanted. Man, it's nothing like the wedding challenge at all! They need to make a cocktail dress, not a wedding dress AND... they have to use environmentally conscious fabrics. Well, that's just completely different. I don't know why I doubted these guys in the first place.

Anyway, Tim talks to the models and the designers, and throws another ProRun first at these bitches. The models have to go out and get the fabric instead of the designers. Well that's just insane, Mr. Gunn. How on earth will these walking twigs choose something wonderful to make a dress out of? The designers are aware of this question and rightfully freaking out over it.
I'm guessing this is an attempt to make the models more of part of the show just like on the first season. I'm sensing a nostalgia trend here.


The models are like kids in a glass shop, confused and wanting to touch EVERYTHING. They all manage to be lemmings and pick up the same fabric. One of the models makes a comment about how they are all picking the same stuff but that it's the designers' job to make it look different. This is true but relatively dicky since the models actually want their respective designers to win. They should know they are in a competition too.

The designers try to make something out of the teeny tiny amount of disgusting fabric that the models brought back. Most of the designers are worried and are putting together some really ugly outfits. This year's crop of designers aren't exactly up to par with any of the previous seasons. I mean... even the wedding dress one had better designs than this bunch of crap and they had to make a fucking wedding dress. These losers suck... next!

The runway show is something gag worthy. Only a select few dresses end up being relatively pretty while most of the others are overall hideous. I'm not sure how the judges are going to react to this crop of crap but the bitchiness will hopefully reign supreme.


Heidi once again brings out the bitch while Nina and Kors sit back and try to match her sass. Did someone put something in Heidi's drink this season or is something up? Maybe this is the start of a new, more aggressive Mrs. Seal. I don't care what's happening as long as she continues to bring the bitch. I like a spicy Heidi.

Natalie Portman is completely useless as a judge and should probably have been replaced with someone who can actually give educated constructive criticism. I know she's known for being a smart actress but that girl needs to brush up on her fashion vocab before she enters the ProRun world.


Things We Learned About Our Designers And Ourselves This Week:

Leann is the first to comment on Suede and his third person obsession.

Korto brings the paranoia and sass early on in the game.

Tan Girlicious calls Heidi 'Darth Vader' and immediately swims to the top of my hatred meter once more.

Apparently Katerina is Puerto Rican and Korto is African. Thanks Korto, for letting me in on the ethnicity of some of our designers.

Stella loves leather and Blayne makes fun of her leather and accent. Don't mess with Stella, Girlicious. You have no idea what you're up against.

Blayne knows Spanish and calls his model "Licious"... ugh.

Natalie Portman has a vegan shoe collection? Who knew?!

Natalie decided to say something wonderful and nice about each and every designer despite the fact that she probably wouldn't have worn a damn one. So, she's also a liar. Damn Natalie Portman with the surprises left and right...

Suede winning makes me think that this shit really is a last ditch effort to kill the brand before it moves to Lifetime.

Last Thoughts:

So I guess that leak was a sham! Suede took the cake and shattered my dreams of a shy boy designer making it to the top.

Let's take a look back at better seasons and memorable characters.

Until next time:

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Reverse Psychology is the New Mud Slinging

I appreciate McCain's attempt to try something different in negative ad campaigns by aiming to maintain the public's distrust of the mainstream media...



...but uh, if I'm a middle of the road swing voter, this pretty much does nothing for me, except possibly waste a Frankie Valli classic.

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Neil Patrick Harris sings on Sesame Street

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Neil Patrick Harris keeps singing, and my heart keeps on melting.

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Leave Christian Bale alone! (or just stop talking about it, please?)

Like a Christian Bale version of the Chris Crocker classic, just replace the funny and over dramatic stupidity with angry, dark, and not very interesting stupidity.



I don't even know why I'm posting this. Maybe I'm just tired of the excessively sleazy news coverage. Maybe it's just a slow as hell Wednesday (it is). Or maybe deep down inside, I just want Bale to go apeshit and rip his shirt off.


Definitely the shirt part.

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Del Close Marathon is Like Christmas, Minus the Santa is Dead Disappointment



Act like you don't wanna go. You know you do.

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WNBA Attempts to Offset Male Indifference to Masculine Female Sport By Brawling...Like Men

(Via)

I'm not trying to sound like a sexist male pig, but is it sad that I didn't know that the WNBA season had started until I heard this ladies brawl went down?

Or that it took seeing this old NBA "bad boy"-turn-assistant coach

(Via)

taking down this WNBA nice lady

(Via)

for the mainstream media to sorta care?

Thank God the Olympics are starting soon, where real athletes and real stories enthrall us, like ostracizing an American woman for trying to make a living by playing for a Russian basketball team, even though her native land didn't want her on their own.

(Via)
God Bless America.

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Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Mad Men Makes the Subway Look Sexy

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(Via)

Makes me consider taking the long way on my commute just to run through Grand Central.

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Natalie Portman Does Bollywood



My kid brother's dream come true.

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Spaced DVD gives me glee

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(Via)

Spaced finally comes out on DVD in the US today, (yay!) and while it might not have had as big a critical acclaim as the Office, it's just as funny and smart in its own way, and Simon Pegg is simply ridiculously fucking cute.

The sci-fi references can be dense for those of us not well versed in the world of Star Wars, but funny is funny, and cute is awful cute. It doesn't seem like the most accessible show at first, but like a good childhood pet that at first looked a little weird and maybe ugly-ish, it definitely grows on you.

Catch the pilot:

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John Lydon Attempts to Add Racist to Prick Title

(Via)

Johnny Rotten strokes his punk rock manhood...by attacking arguably one of the least threatening lead singers of one of the most polite bands in rock today.

A clip from his short-lived "Rotten TV" on hardcore, tough guy, hardcore punk network...VH1

John Lydon - Rotten TV Episode 1 end

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Monday, July 21, 2008

Matthew McConaughey still hot; Surfer Dude still looks awful



I'm still ashamed, but I'm still going to watch it. Damn his glorious abs.

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Mondays are the new Mondays


My boss
: "What are emoticons?"


Me: "They're like punctuation marks used to indicate emotion, like in an IM."

My boss: "Oh."

Me: "You use them all the time. You've put them in your office memos and emails before."

My boss: "No, I haven't."

Me: "Uh, yes you have. The smiley face on the timesheet reminder."

My boss: "Oh... smiley faces? Why didn't you just say emoticons were smiley faces? You don't always have to make things complicated. Simplicity can be a virtue."

Me: >:O

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Olestra is like Activia, just tastier fun

(Via)

A sweet natured secretary in the office was preaching today about the virtues of dieting, exercise, and fat free foods, foods she claims helped her lose twenty-five pounds.

I'm not really the kind of girl all hung up on dieting and stuff like that (scrawniness has a way of doing that do you) but I couldn't help but be a little skeptical. I've been working here for almost six months and I've always seen her with a newly opened bag of potato chips on her desk on almost a daily basis.


I'm not trying to be a hater, but telling me you're losing weight while plowing through sour cream and cheddar chips is like when my prom date told me "It's alright, nothing happens if I pull out"; it has to be bullshit.

Then I looked at the bag and noticed it had...Olestra. A-ha! The tasty treat of anal leakage choice.


Remember the big hubbub there was over Olestra's side effects, how the high price of non-fat chip tasty goodness was paid for by FDA warnings of "abdominal cramping and loose stools." Now they don't even legally have to put the FDA warning label.

Interestingly enough, I had girlfriends chowing down on Olestra, mixing it into their delightful daily diet of laxatives, water, vomiting, laxatives, water, oh yeah, and more laxatives. God bless being a girl in high school.


Well, anyway, Little Miss Fit & Trim can have her anal leaking Olestra. Me, I'm content to keep sticking to my IBS inducing Activia. Hey, if it's good enough for Jamie Lee Curtis, it's good enough for me.

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In Search of a Midnight Kiss Trailer


Okay...so Mamma Mia did pretty much blow, and yes, my beloved Pierce Brosnan singing was more funny than actually sexy, but there was at least some positive to my weekend.

I saw the trailer for In Search of a Midnight Kiss before a screening of the Last Mistress (which by the way, if you're a fan of Breillat, is pretty good, and Fu'ad Ait Aattou is deliciously sexy) and it looks like a run of the mill indie romcom, but the hype around it during the Tribeca Film Festival and the splatters of "ooo's" from the audience all but piqued my interest.

The male lead Scoot McNairy (how great a name is Scoot by the way? is it short for Scooter? or something exotic like Scootilius?) puts out this pre-Earl Jason Lee from 90's Kevin Smith movies aura and the premise sounds so incredibly cheesy and predictable that I can't help but think/know I'll love it.

Besides, I've always been a sucker for the whole Craiglist hipster unexpected love affair fantasy. It's why god (or whatever up there) created Missed Connections.

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Hulu Indeed...


Anyone notice how most of Hulu's most popular movie clips seem to feature, uh, gratuitous boobery?



Bad Girls From Mars...um, really? (you also gotta love the "Driving Buzzed is Driving Drunk" ads playing consecutively with the vodka ads)

UPDATE: Looks like people do notice.

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T-Minus Six Days and Counting

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My Childhood Wasn't Better Than Yours: Battletoads & Double Dragon

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I am a pathetically inadequate Asian stereotype (as I've alluded to in the past) and my inability to be adept at either mathematics or video games has continued to be a personal issue of shame.

As a child, I wore thick framed glasses, was pathetically out of shape, and for a brief segment of my life was well versed in the nuances of Peter Parker's "Clone Saga."

Christ, how could I not be able to execute a proper "Hadouken!"?

And yet one of the few joys in my painfully inadequate existence were Sundays spent with cousins attempting the Super Nintendo masterpiece that was Battletoads & Double Dragon.

(Via)

My cousins, unlike myself, were more than adequate models of Asian-inity, being gamers themselves, and yet for those solitary Sundays, they too were humbled by the seemingly easy task of mastering the intergalactic adventures of a pair of conspicuously WASPy-looking Chinese brothers and a trio of anthropomorphic amphibians named after skin disorders.

The three of us comprised a rag-tag alternating two person team that slayed giant rats, bulls, and the occasional blond dominatrix (which coincidentally made our then-Catholic consciences derive that much more sinful pleasure senselessly beating violent whip-wielding women with a roundhouse kick or toad foot thing).

(Via)

We never beat the game (hell, I don't think we even made it halfway through) but it was moments like those when childhood seemed just right, when failure wasn't just okay; it was just damn fun.

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