Monday, July 14, 2008

My Childhood Wasn't Better Than Yours: My Secret Identity

Some remember him as the fat kid from Stand By Me, douchebag quarterback Cushman from Jerry Maguire, the guy with the singing roaches from Joe's Apartment, that guy from that horrible movie Tomcats you watched just because you thought that girl from American Pie was going to get naked again or that goofy dude from Kangaroo Jack currently married to that chick that plays a man/dude on Ugly Betty that used to be with Uncle Jessie from Full House...

...but to me, Jerry O'Connell will forever be super powered 14 year-old Andrew Clements from My Secret Identity.

It's horribly kitschy at best, the special effects were hilariously lame, the acting stilted as only a kids show could be, and a part of me will love this show forever.

My Secret Identity is the reason why I took my dad's neon green safety SnapLight Lightsticks and ran throughout the house in the dark at night, hoping to mimic the blur of O'Connell's super speed (which incidentally could only be seen as a blur by me and my fellow pre-adolescent brethren).

Or why the brick steps to my home's backdoor entrance are lined with spray paint, remnants of my time spent as a four year-old attempting levitation with the aid of aerosol cans (why on earth a four year-old was allowed to play with spray paint cans I'll never know; why I have a weak lung capacity I do know).

Yet ultimately, the undying charm of My Secret Identity lay in it's theme song.

With lyrics like these:

This is better than my imagination.
This is more than a dream come true.
Without the slightest bit of hesitation,
I knew what I was meant to do.
You'll never guess my secret identity.
Who's on the inside hiding out?
You never know what you'll see,
when you unlock a mystery.
Sometimes this double life gets outta hand.
For if you see trouble coming,
I'm your man.


How could they possibly go wrong?

The show may have only lasted three seasons, (quite honestly, I vaguely remember any semblance of a plot line outside of anticipation for O'Connell to bust out the super speed and aerosol can levitation) but it will forever serve as a hallmark of my fleeting childhood as well as my first recognition of anything coming from some land called Canada. Now bust out the theme song from season two:

0 painful displays of affection:

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