Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Nothing says 'Happy Belated Birthday' like Birth Control Alarm Cases

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Now I like to think that I'm the last person to bitch and moan about getting a gift from anybody (being the shitty gift giver I am myself) but I'm not sure how to appropriately thank someone for birth control pill alarm cases.

I know "it's the thought that counts," but what exactly is my friend trying to say?

Does she think that:
  • The fact that I once completely forgot dinner plans we made months ago makes me the type of irresponsible person who doesn't seem capable of correctly remembering when to take my go-away-baby pills?
  • I'm such a promiscuous whore that the idea of keeping track of a scheduled pill seems incongruous to my backseat of a Kia hatchback in the Holland Tunnel lifestyle?
  • A collection of bedazzled pink, baby blue and leopard print pill cases would go well with my day-to-day Rocky Horror Picture Show hot tranny mess business attire?
  • I'd like a large beeping noise to announce to my office that yes, I am fucking like an animal, and yes, I wanna kill any possibility for cute, innocent life that could possibly fester in my uterus?
  • Just because she has a baby of her own, giving me such a gaudy ridiculous looking set of beeping cases would make me question whether my life spent scouring the streets for recreational intercourse, and possibly see the higher goodness in settling down and allowing life to finally take root inside of me?
  • Maybe they were just a set of cases she thought were cute and I'm blowing this completely out of fucking proportion?
This is why I don't like the whole gift giving/getting process...it's just too much stress for things that could mean something or nothing or everything.

Guess when she comes to town, I'll just have to
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0 painful displays of affection:

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