Monday, July 21, 2008

Olestra is like Activia, just tastier fun


A sweet natured secretary in the office was preaching today about the virtues of dieting, exercise, and fat free foods, foods she claims helped her lose twenty-five pounds.

I'm not really the kind of girl all hung up on dieting and stuff like that (scrawniness has a way of doing that do you) but I couldn't help but be a little skeptical. I've been working here for almost six months and I've always seen her with a newly opened bag of potato chips on her desk on almost a daily basis.

I'm not trying to be a hater, but telling me you're losing weight while plowing through sour cream and cheddar chips is like when my prom date told me "It's alright, nothing happens if I pull out"; it has to be bullshit.

Then I looked at the bag and noticed it had...Olestra. A-ha! The tasty treat of anal leakage choice.

Remember the big hubbub there was over Olestra's side effects, how the high price of non-fat chip tasty goodness was paid for by FDA warnings of "abdominal cramping and loose stools." Now they don't even legally have to put the FDA warning label.

Interestingly enough, I had girlfriends chowing down on Olestra, mixing it into their delightful daily diet of laxatives, water, vomiting, laxatives, water, oh yeah, and more laxatives. God bless being a girl in high school.

Well, anyway, Little Miss Fit & Trim can have her anal leaking Olestra. Me, I'm content to keep sticking to my IBS inducing Activia. Hey, if it's good enough for Jamie Lee Curtis, it's good enough for me.

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