Thursday, July 17, 2008

ProRun Season 5 Episode 1

Let's Start From The Very Beginning
In the first episode of the Emmy-nominated creative competition series, the 16 designers are forced to think outside the box and construct an outfit from unconventional materials. Guest Judge: Austin Scarlett.
The designers make their first appearances, introductions are had, and Heidi & Tim get the designers nice and drunk.

Crafty minxes they are, since Tim then wakes up the designers fairly early in the morning. Oh Tim Gunn, you are quite something.

Terri, this year's Zulema's knock-off, makes the first comment regarding the previous seasons. She says something about watching the previous seasons and being amazed that it's HER walking with Timmy boy in the streets. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it. You think you're special, but guess what honey, you sure aren't.

Tim guides our new designers through the wilds of Manhattan (presumably Chelsea) to Gristedes. There they will re-enact the very first ProRun challenge. Austin Scarlett brings glamour to the scene and shows them bitches what a real designer looks like. He won that first challenge all four seasons ago and will now be judging this crop of designers' very own supermarket design.

One of the hipster chicks picked up a bouncy ball. I'm pretty excited to see what she ends up doing with that. Most of the designers seem to be doing alright with their choices except for Stella. Stella embodies all things Queens, Brooklyn, and New York in general. Rocker chick she is and I can't stand her but I think I might be terribly entertained by her.

Tim comes in and destroys all of the designers confidence. Well, I would say Tim showed them what asses they are. They took you to a grocery store and most of you picked up table cloths. Nina will not be happy.

Those designers try their hardest to get all of their table cloths to look nothing like table cloths and off we go!

The fashions on the first runway of this season were kind of bland. There really wasn't anything that stood out from the crowd with exception to my pre-runway pick, Daniel. Cups O' Blue for the Win!

Judging comes along and back are my favorite bitches in director chairs. Nina got in some good jabs but Michael "Pope At A Sex Show" Kors takes the bitchy crown and wears it with pride.

Heidi makes a reference to one of her boys liking Batman and capes. I immediately start singing "Kiss From A Rose" in my head.

Seal rules it.

Kelli (Sweet P Version 2) takes the win. Stealing it from my pretty Daniel will forever keep you in my most hated pile. Congratulations Kelli, I hate you.

Token Asian designer, Jerry, is the first to be eliminated while Stella continues on to rule the work room with her self hatred, Queens style.

Token Asian... I bid you adieu.

Things We Learned About Our Designers and Ourselves This Week:

Suede talks in third person. My initial dislike of him stands.

Apparently, the casting crew decided that there wasn't enough hipster trash last season and decided to throw it all in for this season. Hipster boys and girls are running all over this place.

Blayne is obsessed with tanning, says "Holla At Ya Boy" repeatedly, and adds "-licious" to most things. Another first glance reaction correct, score 2 for La Dame.

Daniel makes reference to Austin being his favorite previous contestant and confirms my love of him.

Tim said, "Make It Work," and no one clapped. Perhaps this season will be different.

When these designers see Stella being down on herself they begin to shout words of encouragement to the ball of self depreciation that Stella completely embodies. Those designers know nothing about competition. NOTHING!

I'm not sure why Blayne was put through or why Stella was saved but they were and now I can continue to mock the nuggets of their personalities that Bravo chose to give me.

Tim utters the words, "Holla At Ya Boy," in the preview for the season and my soul weeps for him.

Mostly dresses, mostly boring... these designers better pick up the runway slack or else it'll morph into something even worse than last year's bore-fest. It'll be a sign of atrocities to come with personalities mattering more than actual talent.

Last Thought
I was thoroughly entertained by these people despite the lingering fear of whether or not any of these hipster fashionistas can actually make beautiful clothing.... or at least clothing I'd want to see.

Until next time:

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