Saturday, August 30, 2008

World's Largest Record Collection is Not Recession-Proof

I own a shitload of music (CDs, cassettes, records, singles, EPs). SHITLOAD. And seeing this made me smile...and sad all at the same time. (Via)

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Friday, August 29, 2008

Sexy Sarah Smile

(Via)

Wow. Touché, Mr. McCain. Seriously, touché.

I'm pretty sure prior to today most people had no fucking clue who the hell she was, what little political experience she actually has, or that Alaska actually had a female governor, but seriously, wow.



As a feminist, I'm torn by the undying desire to see women achieve as much equal footing as men in all aspects of society and the need to have my right to choose be a part of every woman's life. And having a female Vice President, would be a nice symbolic gesture, simplistically symbolic as it may be.

So nice move, McCain. Hillary's devotees will have more ammunition towards channeling their jaded justice in the voting booth, and I think even on the dumbest, most superficial level, McCain's pretty much locked up the flighty female/horny indifferent middle aged male demographic.


Governor Palin's coquettish Mariska Hargitay/Tina Fey-ishness should sway some voters, and I'm pretty sure our own Mr. Editor-in-Chief SilentButDeadly would probably fuck her (Editor's Note: Sadly I think would).

So let's see:
  • A liberal black man with an awful terrorist-y sounding name who represents change, youthfulness and optimism and a boring balding old white guy for a running mate
OR
  • A boring balding old white guy and a sexy, sassy, conservative white political outsider who represents change, youthfulness and has a vagina for a running mate


Yeah... it won't even be close.

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She Can Make Butter For My Piece of Bun Anytime She Wants

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I really like Lykke Li. Or at least I really like mentioning her name.

Anyway, everyone's favorite cutie crush of the moment played Conan and had a fairly solid set last night at the newly opened (Le) Poisson Rouge (try name dropping that without sounding like an asshole) and I had a pretty good time enveloping myself in all her Swedish sweetness...which only means my eventual internal backlash against all things I think I love may be well underway.

Lykke Li's cover of Tribe Called Quest's "Can I Kick It?" from last night:



Before she hits my personal scrap pile of hipster pop stars I loved so much I had to hate them only to hopefully love them once more (sorry Lily Allen) please join me in reveling in the cute, though awkward running man/booty poppin' gyrations of this Swedish pixie adorned in garb approximating what appears to be a combination of late Rumours Stevie Nicks/early "Lucky Star" Madonna.

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The song that my internal monologue just won't let die, "I'm Good, I'm Gone" performed in a bathroom:



And in the back of a London cab:



Yum.

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Pat Buchanan and Bill Kristol Love Obama's Nomination Speech; Hell Makes Preparations For Freezing Over


Pat Buchanan and Bill Kristol actually applaud the sincerity and power of Obama's nomination speech. Am I missing something? Pigs aren't flying yet, right?

If this is some sort of reverse psychology attempt at keeping the Democrats off balance, bravo Republicans, bravo.

Here's Buchanan "gushing" over Obama's speech so much, Olbermann can't contain himself:



Kristol suppressing all of his usual bile and actually being, dare I say, positive:



And the speech that actually got strident rich white racist conservatives to actually show a Black Democrat with a "Muslim sounding name" some momentary love:


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Thursday, August 28, 2008

Random Thoughts From a Random Guy #14: One Ball, Two Ball, Red State, Blue State

(Via)

So many generalizations concerning Democrats and Republicans have been made that I feel one more wouldn’t hurt. Democrats are like football and Republicans are like basketball. I will explain the how later on.


Why all sports loving Democrats don’t like football and why all sports loving Republicans don’t love basketball is a mystery to me; but the solving of this puzzle would shed some light on other peculiarities on the political landscape.



When I say Democrats are like football, what I mean is that the entire sport is based on parity. Literally anyone can beat anyone else on any given Sunday, and the sport is designed to be this way. This is why football has salary caps. This is also why the worst teams get the best draft picks.


Republicans are like basketball because though the sport does not encourage inequality, it doesn’t really do anything to discourage it either. A team can narrowly miss the playoffs and still get a good pick because of the draft lottery. Major cities have teams that spend more money than those in smaller markets, and thus can attract higher quality players.

Now how does all this rambling relate to any of the goings on in Washington?


Democrats receive overwhelming support amongst Indian-Americans despite the fact that most Indian-Americans are social conservatives and almost no Democrats are.

The Republicans have courted Indian-Americans for years but the results have been lackluster. So what are Indian-Americans thinking when they walk into the voting booth?


Most Democratic programs seek to improve the disparity in wealth between the wealthiest two percent and everyone else. Most Democratic politicians will talk at length about how the Gini ratio is out of control.


Most poor Southerners would love to see the wealth disparity between them and the top-level executives at most Fortune 500 companies evaporate. So what are most poor Southerners thinking when they walk into the voting booth?


I really do believe if we could understand why in the world people vote Republican and watch football and others vote Democrat and watch basketball we could finally figure out the voting oddities that have been plaguing political strategists for years.
(Via)
By the way…I bleed pigskin!

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Chick dissects chick flicks


A-fucking-men.



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Kristin Chenoweth's Musical Intervention Parody Makes Me Really Miss Pushing Daisies



I'm not really much of an Intervention fan or a Kristin Chenoweth fan (interesting how she and her ex Aaron Sorkin are really getting into this Internet thing as of late), and this video is pretty much shit, but it does remind me that Pushing Daisies is coming back which actually makes me excited about hearing that high pitched 40 year-old pixie voice again.

Pushing Daisies Season Two Comic-Con promo:



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Guitar Praise: Rock Out With Your Coc-, Um, I Mean Christ Out

(Via)

Guitar Praise: Guitar Hero for Christians

Fun idea, but looking at the tracklist, how can there be no Creed or Alter Bridge?

Somewhere in the world, Scott Stapp must weeping...or drowning in his non-residual paid bottles.


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Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Wednesdays are Mondays in disguise

I am one of innocent kids that just showed up to the fight. Life is the angry belligerent mother profanely egging us on to fight. That is all.


Mom Tries To Get Kids To Fight - Watch more free videos

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$ports $perm $ale


I completely understand why parents want the best for their children, but shopping for sports sperm in the hopes of raising a future money train? That's just fucked up.



"When Randy saw that he (the sperm donor) had the same strength and stuff that he had, he immediately was turned on by that and was just so excited as far as what it could bring as far as our children," Christy Rodriguez said about her husband Randy's excitement over an anonymous athlete sperm donor they used to create their children.

Um, am I missing something? But how often do the special talents of some actually translate to their offspring?

Yes, we all know about the miraculous Manning family, but they're the exception, not the rule. Talent isn't necessarily a birth right; there's just too many variables at work for the right situation and the right personality to pan out.

(Via)

Are we to presume the multitude of Shawn Kemp spawn roaming the earth will one day dominate the NBA? Is Tiger's little Benetton baby going to be kicking Mickelson's son's ass long after Woods passes?



Do the words Frank Sinatra Jr. mean anything to anyone?

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Tuesday, August 26, 2008

I F*cked That Guy: Daddy Yankee

Mr. Editor-in-Chief SilentButDeadly has come up with a game to amuse ourselves that'll be a new feature of SMFIH, I Fucked That Guy/Girl/Thing will be occasional moments of rhapsodizing about a specific archetype, stereotype, personality, or maybe even actual person or thing we've at one point or another been drunkenly (or soberly) intimate with.

So, yeah, we're really, really slutty whores (mostly him (Editor's Note: mostly her)), so enjoy:



Yes...I fucked Daddy Yankee.

No, not the actual Daddy Yankee, but that ghetto-cute Spanish guy at the club who was such a fucking asshole and treated you like shit but you couldn't help but like him.

Yep, I fucked that guy. The one with the meticulous fade, the tight shirt that showed off his shitty tats and biceps he spent all his time on in the gym, instead of being able to hold a conversation about anything more interesting than how he likes "that song" and how he "really really wants to hit that shit."

The guy who tried impressing you in the club by trying to freestyle a rhyme about "yo asses tasting sweet like molasses."

(Via)

The one who kept calling you mami, and you actually thought it was endearing.

The guy whose idea of enjoying an art gallery was trying to steal bottles of champagne from your friend's installation opening and then blame the Spanish security for being "fucking racist."

The one who tried talking politics with you while you were trying to quietly enjoy the morning paper with your coffee by saying "yeah, that fucking economy shit, right? No seriously, that economy shit, right?" I fucked that guy.


God...I am a whore.

Scoreboard So Far:
  • SilentButDeadly: 0
  • all your pink are belong to us: super mega-whorish 1

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New York, I Love You makes me Paris, je t'aime more

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I know I'm still going to probably see it, but this New York remake of Paris, je t'aime gives me this weird, indescribable vibe. But I'm not sure why.



Directors include Zach Braff, Brett Ratner, and Scarlett Johansson...starring Blake Lively, Hayden Christensen, Rachel Bilson and Ethan Hawke? Now I know what that indescribable vibe I was feeling was...shittiness.

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Levi's life lessons learned

Levi's isn't merely a jean manufacturer; they're a gateway to everyday America's coming of age lessons:

Never tell a lie...and have lots and lots of anonymous sexy jeans sex:




Never get changed or flash the goods in front of a blind man hanging out in a men's room:



Value trust in a relationship...and lose your virginity by having lots and lots of underwater sexy jeans sex:



Stone washed jeans are totally worth their price because of the time it takes to get good looking guys to strip in laundromats and wash their one pair of jeans with stones:



Always use protection when having lots of Midwestern farmhand sexy jean overalls sex, even if the condoms come in tin cans:



Pull yourself up by your bootstraps...or by your sexy jeans that magically bring you lots of sexy jeans gay sex:



Wear Levi's jeans. It's the American fucking way.

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Green-gasms


Environmentally safe, organic, non-toxic, vegan friendly sensual products. What will the tree hugging, free-love having liberals think of next?



Yay!

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Miss Sister 2008: Gross Objectification of Women of the Cloth, or Horribly Inept Viral Marketing Ploy?


Okay, so the prevailing stereotype of nuns is that they're old, mean, and frigid. And yes, maybe my memories of my grade school teacher Sister Imelda cracking knuckles with rulers or my high school teacher Sister Mary Elizabeth taunting students in month long detention sentences didn't exactly buck the trend.

But do we really need an online beauty pageant to remind these devoted servants of God that, um, they're normal, and uh, good looking sexual beings with needs too? (thanks AF =)


While the concept of a "Miss Sister 2008" sounds comically far fetched, the idea of promoting a movie vis-à-vis a fake movie campaign has all but become the tired norm in today's ever self conscious viral society. Though recent examples of fake movie trailers have been successful (i.e. Cloverfield, Tropic Thunder) this faux movie trailer from the upcoming How to Lose Friends and Alienate People is...well, not:



Unlike the hilarious Tropic Thunder trailers, the makers of Teresa: The Making of a Saint are pathetically phoning it in, with that godawful voice over work, cheap casting, and lack of any actual jokes that would have made it even remotely amusing. Hell, there's even an equally useless official website. Worse yet, the premise of a hottie actress playing a Mother Theresa has already been done...on an episode of MADtv 12 years ago.

And no offense to the ever empty hotness that is Megan Fox, but the sexy nun schtick's been done before. A retrospective:

Sophia Loren nun-in' it up in White Sister.

Monica Bellucci as Mary Magdalene in The Passion of the Christ (Granted, she's technically not playing a nun, but she is rocking the hell out of that habit).

Sally Field as the adorably innocuous Flying Nun.

Susan Sarandon in Dead Man Walking (I know she wasn't trying to be hot here, but gosh she's still pretty).

Audrey Hepburn in The Nun's Story.

I think I'll end it here, just out of the most minute concern for the whole burning in hell thing, and not really wanting to attract the sick 'sexy nun' fetishists out there. Now excuse while I await the results of Sister Maria's talent portion of Miss Sister 2008...

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Orangina: Delicious Supporter of Interspecies Lovin'

(Via)

I'm perfectly cool with using animals to market products whether they be cute and cuddly (if you don't think the Coca Cola polar cubs were adorable you are dead inside) or just plain stupid (anything involving beef jerky and urination) but I can't help but be a little confused by this French advert for Orangina:



Is this one of those attempts at making kid friendly imagery appeal to a broader adult audience?

And by broader audience do they mean adults that enjoy watching animated animals mimicking stripper shower scenes from Flashdance, closeups on thong wearing giraffes, or zebras blowing their massive Orangina loads at the chests of other female animals? The 'golden' color of the Orangina ain't exactly helping either.

Sadly there won't be an American version of this ad, cause some parents might lose their shit over this. Oh look, they already have.

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Monday, August 25, 2008

Time to play the Out of Context Game!

Not really out of context game-worthy, but these files and reports I'm supposed to be working on can only continue to not be worked on for so long...

(Via)

"So, you're eighteen, am I right? No? You just turned nineteen? Getting up there in age now are we?"


(Via)

"That Heroes/Villains show you got there is a real good one, real great show you got there. You know who's a real fat, ugly, obese, horrible, gluttonous, disgusting villain? Do you know Rosie..."

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Porn musicals



(Via)

If there's whole subcultures of sexual deviance involving stuffed animals, defecation, dairy products and other nasty crap, why can't there be porn musicals?

And not some disposal viral comedy porn spoof one-off, I'm talking one big, fabulous, explosion of dance numbers and dildos. Why can't us musical loving ladies get some porn musical love?

Sounds like I've discovered a new project to add to my bucket list. Till then, I guess I'll have to settle for this:


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Mondays make me hate mac and cheese

My boss continues his cavalcade of viral comedy emails:




Ugh. Mac and cheese? Really? Is this some new fetish I'm not aware of? And my boss is a nice guy and everything, but could circulating this in an email be somehow interpreted as sexual harassment or inappropriate behavior?

Though I did enjoy this comment from our new temp:

"Oh, that's no big deal. I've totally done crazier stuff than that back in college...(long pause)... with jello and olive oil in a basement."


Wow. No, seriously...wow.

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Friday, August 22, 2008

British Blue Urine


Is it sad that the only thing I remember about this movie (that I had to write a report on when I was a kid) is that King George was crazy and peed a lot of blue urine?




And that the idea of peeing blue sounded inexplicably really cool, especially on snow days?

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Thursday, August 21, 2008

Celebrity Whores and Beloved Comedians Make Strange Bedfellows

Hey Brown Cary Grant, this one's for you:



Further proof the universe is fucking itself in an ironic we-love-to-hate-to-love-you sort of way. (Via)

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Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Random Thoughts From a Random Guy #13: In the Future Everyone Will Be Famous For 15 Minutes. Except for You, You, Oh Definitely Not You...


There are few things that take your mind off of work like watching idiots talk about idiots doing idiotic things. This is why I found myself watching Chelsea Lately a few nights ago. The show usually ends with Chelsea interviewing some D-list celebrity about whatever that person happens to be doing professionally at the moment.


Chelsea is a caustic lady by any stretch of the imagination. This is why I find it so perplexing that she was so kind towards her guest that night: Audrina Patridge.



For those of you who don’t know who she is, don’t beat yourself up. I only found out about her about a year ago. She was a teenager from Orange County, California who was asked to play someone’s friend on a reality show. Yes, you heard right. She is playing someone’s friend on a reality show.


The idea is about as absurd as an Obama/Dean ticket, but not quite as exciting. I can’t help but wonder if the “professional celebrity” phenomenon, which was once ridiculed, is now thoroughly accepted.


Not too long ago, the biggest celebrities were athletes. This was acceptable by my standards because though they did not have Ph.D.’s, they worked as hard as most of us. Magic, Bird, even Neon Deion Sanders worked harder than Ms. Audrina Patridge.



Come to think of it, Deion sort of epitomized what we used to value in a celebrity. He was loud, conceited, and rich; we loved him for it, but only because he combined it with hard work and was actually an extremely gifted football player.


There is no doubt that in the 90’s, cockiness was as American as apple pie, but so was hard work. So, if Deion epitomized who we were, and Audrina epitomizes who we are, then who are we?

(Via)

Well, lets see. During her interview on Chelsea Lately, Audrina revealed that she is really a struggling actress who was spotted by people casting for The Hills while she was staying at a five-star hotel. In other words, she is a struggling actress who never actually struggled.




If you’ve spoken to any kid from an elite school, he or she will tell you that there is no such thing as "paying your dues." In fact, "paying your dues" is an expression stupid people invented.



So, this means that Deion was an idiot for being loyal to the Falcons for five seasons and Audrina is a genius for following her dreams in the most half-assed way imaginable. This is getting depressing.


If you walk into any newsstand you’ll see at least one member of the cast of The Hills in US Weekly, Teen People or any of the other celebrity gossip magazines. What I’m worried about is the eventual day one of these reality stars ends up on a prestigious magazine such as Vogue.



Can you imagine Annie Liebowitz having to adjust lighting and set up shots for some girl who is playing a character on a “reality” television show? Unfortunately, the idea is not as far fetched as we would love to believe.


I’m not one of those people who believes that pop culture is a reliable window into the public conscious, but occasionally it is. People used to take pride in struggling to get somewhere, and paying one's dues was seen as a rite of passage, not a nuisance that can and should be avoided.

(Via)

By the way, I’m well aware of the fact that I have just given the young lady a little more notoriety just by writing this. I am also well aware that if you have stumbled upon this article, you are probably a fan of ms. Patridge, and there is little I can do to change your mind.


Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go watch the Olympics. After all, they’ve trained rigorously for four years to get to where they are; the least I could do is cheer them on.

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