Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Random Thoughts From a Random Guy #17: America Just Needs to Hug It Out, Bitch

(Editor's Note: The following thoughts, ideas, expressions, ramblings and jarringly outdated cultural references are those of our own rogue maverick, the Brown Cary Grant, and do not necessarily reflect those of SMFIH or its editorial staff. Just making sure.)

Simplification is in! Don’t understand the financial crisis? Ask Suze Orman. The NFL got you all confused? Well worry no longer my pretty little darling, John Madden will come to the rescue.

Simplification of complex topics is not just for salesmen and Dr. Phil anymore. Everyone does it. The reason everyone does is a little elusive. My best guess is that simplifying a topic allows the topic to be more accessible therefore more people can chime in, allowing for a more lively debate. That is the point right?

My cousin recently introduced me to a most fascinating television program: Entourage. The show follows a promising young actor named Vincent Chase and his three friends as they swim with the sharks so to speak in Hollywood. Vincent asks “E” his friend and former pizzeria manager to be his new manager. Not one avidly opposed to redundancy, he also gets a high powered Hollywood agent named Ari Gold to be his agent (It’s redundant because an agent is sort of like a manager; Yes, I’m simplifying again).

Anyway, where was I? The Presidential and Vice Presidential candidates have seemed to simplify the essence of their respective ideologies to the point where they sort of remind one of characters from Entourage. Here’s what I mean:

Sarah Palin: Sarah, like Vinny Chase as they call him, wears naiveté like it’s a badge of honor. The thing that makes them both dangerous is that they are both smarter than they appear. Mr. Chase pretends to not know how to navigate the waters of Hollywood because he doesn’t have the stomach for Tinseltown politics. Sarah pretends to be naïve because the good ole' boys that she was brought in to court would never vote for a woman who truly understood the intricacies of NAFTA. They both know how to get exactly what it is that they want without having to come off as crass or ruthless. I know you might say Palin does have a tendency to come off as less than congenial, but you are probably a bleeding heart liberal. Most of America just thinks she needs to stop winking at them.

Barack Obama: Mr. Obama reminds me of “E.” They both owe a lot to circumstance. Obama took advantage of Mark Penn’s less than stellar campaign strategy to full effect. “E” took advantage of Mr. Chase’s generosity and feelings of loyalty to full effect. However, in terms of talent and creativity, it can hardly be argued that “E” is not ready to become a major Hollywood player and that Senator Obama is not ready to become President Obama. Sure “E” will make some mistakes along the way. I’m also fairly certain that Obama’s health care plan may actually cause small business owners to think twice about hiring extra staff, depending on exactly how much they have to pay into that pool if they choose to not provide health insurance. However, this does very little to overshadow the egalitarian principles and old school work ethic that lie at the core of who these men truly are.

Joe Biden: If you are a fan of Entourage, this comparison shouldn’t be hard to grasp. If you occasionally watch Entourage, this shouldn’t be hard to grasp. If you’ve ever said “let’s hug it out bitch” to someone, this shouldn’t be too hard to grasp. Ari Gold says exactly what he wants, whenever he wants to say it. Mr. Biden does pretty much the same. Sure, he is responsible for the worst Obama-Kennedy comparison ever, but the Democrats knew what they were getting when they hired him. He’s a pit-bull. This is what makes him absolutely necessary. Someone has to deflect the attacks that come in from the Republican side, and a man who has based his entire candidacy on being the anti-politician isn’t allowed to do such things. (Of course the analogy has seemed to lose some of it’s accuracy because Ari plays pitbull for Mr. Chase, who in this analogy is Sarah Palin. The reason for the metaphorical mix up is because Obama has elements of Vincent Chase in his personality, but he is still primarily like “E”. Also, if “E” were an actor, he would need a pitbull of his own due to his non-confrontational nature, which we saw on full display during the filming of Medellin. So, the analogy is back on track, but you are welcome to debate me if you would like to do so [Editor's Note: No, no you don't have to].)

John McCain: McCain is like Drama because Drama shows glimmers of hope but still cannot hold a candle to Mr. Chase. That is all I have to say on that.

Now that is why Entourage is exactly like America. Now excuse me while I live vicariously through the idiotic manifestations of celebutante man-boy-children. And hug it out bitch.

0 painful displays of affection:

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