Thursday, December 25, 2008

Random Thoughts from a Random Guy's Most Overrated and Underrated of 2008

(Editor's Note: Every so often, a strange e-mail pops up in SMFIH's inbox. And try as we might, not matter how much we worry about possible viruses, Nigerian princes and other spam, we can't help but open it or explain the inexplicable grip it has on us. Like a recovering alcoholic who just knows they're going to definitely regret and pay for it, we just can't seem to help ourselves. So once again, here's our resident old man/"life expert" the Brown Cary Grant extolling the virtues of what exactly we're not sure of. Oh, and they don't necessarily reflect or represent the ideas of SMFIH's staff. So there. But yeah, we're confused too. And enjoy.)


Lions and tigers and lists, oh my! It’s that time of the year again. Sit back, relax and enjoy the show. I, the Brown Cary Grant have come to give you my list of the Most Overrated and Underrated things of 2008. It was tough narrowing the list down; there were so many things that got way too much or way too little attention. So I just picked the things that annoyed me or delighted me the most. I hope you enjoy reading this list as much as I enjoyed putting it together.

Underrated:


Gypsy Skirts: Oh women, I know fashion must be constantly evolving with the cultural zeitgeist and all that bullshit, but why must the gypsy skirts go? 2005 was a terrific year for me. Every time I walked outside of my apartment to grab a paper and get my daily caffeine fix, I was greeted by a parade of women in gypsy skirts. The best thing about gypsy skirts is that it gives even the dullest, most repulsive women a bit of flair.

Overrated:


Wearing a shirt and passing it off as a dress: As Britney’s assistant said to Britney, “You are not Sarah Jessica Parker!” And seriously, why would you want to be?

Underrated:


Graham Harrell: I can’t keep track of my two nephews when they come over to wreak havoc on my otherwise tranquil existence. This man has to keep track of five receivers in one of the most complex, intricate and constantly evolving offenses I have ever seen. Oh, and by the way, not one of his receivers is likely to be a first round draft pick- not even Crabtree.

Overrated:


Mark Sanchez: Hey, he lives in L.A., dates gorgeous women, and will probably be playing on Sundays; if someone has to be a sacrificial lamb for this list, it’s gonna be this guy.

Underrated:


Dating a writer: Most of my writer friends are bat-shit crazy, but there’s never a dull moment, and there’s something to be said for that.

Overrated:

(Ed. Note: We were confused too, but apparently ex-model Martha Stewart was also a stockbroker. So there.)

Dating a stockbroker: My friend George is probably the only decent broker I know. When I asked him if that means that I just don’t know enough stockbrokers he looked at me and laughed. He also cites the guys at work as the reason that he has a flask and a bottle of Patron in his car. Ladies, it’s just not worth it.

Underrated:


Dating a bohemian chick: At first I was reluctant, but then I realized that bohemian chicks can be kind of hot. They are also lower maintenance than the average woman. Going out to dinner with them is the best part. You get there and... they are already there! Unlike most women (who show up to dinner late) bohemian chicks show up early! Halfway through dinner and you’re like, "All this intellectually stimulating conversation and punctuality is making me horny." Go bohemian chicks!

Overrated:


Dating a daddy’s girl: Some of them can be real pretty, but they’re just too high maintenance. They expect you to be perfect, and that’s just too much pressure. Trust me guys, it’s just not worth it.

Underrated:


Zooey Deschanel: Oh Zooey, with your over sized yet hypnotically beautiful eyes, your flawless porcelain skin, your lively and mischievous nature- you are an amazing woman. I understand that you must take commercial film roles so that you can build collateral, which will allow you to make some more meaningful films like All the Real Girls, but your commercial ventures do not have to be bad. Johnny Depp has made selling out without ever really selling out his calling card. You should too. I don’t want you to be too picky about the roles you choose, because you are one of the few young Hollywood starlets that I enjoy seeing, but an actress of your caliber should not be in movies that make people want to throw their concession stand purchases at the screen.

Overrated:

(Via)

Emily Deschanel: I know that some of you may find this pick mean and unjustified, but in any group of guys you will find at least one that thinks Emily Deschanel is a hotter actress than her sister Zooey, and that is one too many.

Underrated:

(Via)

Addressing people in relationships by their individual names: They are separate individuals that happen to be in a relationship together. A relationship shouldn't completely define you. Unless you happen to be married to Carla Bruni.

Overrated:


Portmanteaus: I know I'm repeating myself, but please no more Brangelina, TomKat, Bennifer and other awful combination of a friend's name and his girlfriend. Their names are Josh and Marissa, not Jarissa.

Underrated:

(Via)

Video Games: If there’s anything that Fallout 3 and GTA 4 have shown us, it’s that, when done properly, video games can be every bit as awe-inspiring and transcending as movies. So, are there still condescending articles in magazines like the New Yorker about video games? All I know is that I’d rather spend $50 bucks on a game that keeps me entertained for 50 plus hours, than spend $12.95 to see a ninety minute movie that only leaves me mildly entertained. I’m not bashing cinema, I’m just saying that it’s ugly little sister has turned into a hot Maxim centerfold, and it’s time to show some respect.

Overrated:


Every single rock band after 1991: There are people more qualified than I to explain this one to you. You can find them in any music retailer that still sells vinyl. Find them, grab them, and then ask them. Oh and check out this new band Kasabian; you'll thank me later (Ed. Note: Oh yes, we will).

And Happy Holidays.

0 painful displays of affection:

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