Thursday, February 19, 2009

Tom Waits creates fatherhood envy

Dear Unborn (Hopefully Legitimate) Child of Mine,

In this vast and mysterious world that you have yet to encounter, there is an amazing mixture of cultures and personalities you will come across. Some of them will be people that will actually willingly take part in trying to bring life into this world and help create facsimiles of themselves for future generations. Some of them will wake up and realize they forgot to put a small little plastic thing on and now their lives are completely ruined.

You will not (hopefully) be born of the latter. You will have many friends that will come and go, and possibly meet many of their parents who will make you realize why they may make you feel like you have to come and go (and never come back). Parents that care a little too much about every single detail, parents that won't care at all about whether or not their child is alive, and progressive, forward thinking parents who think that exposing their child to everything and anything the world has to offer will provide for a fulfilling childhood of intellectual and emotional enrichment.


I will be none of the above. I will play music (good music, though you will grow up thinking it is bad) all day every day in the hopes that for one futile moment in the sun, father and child can bask in the wonder and glory of shared musical admiration.

You will listen to Tom Waits. And you will like it.

And then you will hate me for being an emotionally distant, actively indifferent invisible father figure that will create within you an emotional chasm you will spend the entirety of your existence trying to fill with empty experiences of sex, alcohol, drugs, and impulsive self sabotaging decisions all in the hopes of finding solace and comfort from the emptiness that never seems to go away.

As you urinate upon my tombstone (probably simultaneously drinking while urinating while lamenting your most recent failed relationship) you will smile in victory at my death, involuntarily humming along and singing a song you're not quite sure you remember the title of, or the artist, or why that precise moment in time needed a soundtrack.

Then you will realize it was a Tom Waits song. And you will like it.

And I will have won.

Your Future Source of Life-long Disappointment and Tom Waits tunes or...Daddy

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