Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Fly the sexy sock synchronized skies


The way things are going, the idea of serving Bloody Marys to bloated blowhard businessmen thousands of feet in the sky doesn't sound so bad. Especially if they're actually still able to get raises in this economy.




I'm as mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore...until tomorrow or when I have time after work


I'm sorry, but getting angry just ain't gonna pay my rent this month. I really would burn my bra right now if this one didn't cost so damn much.


Your Friendly Neighborhood Cuban Gynecologist Car Salesman


Lou Dobbs' mind? Officially blown.


Sometimes a gal just needs to kill a guy

Snapped is like the Oxygen Network's gift to those of us who have men that need to be reminded on a weekly basis that we can go all Lorena Bobbitt on their asses if they don't stop their shady text messaging with their ex-girlfriends.


Spring Breakdown: Direct to DVD'oh


Spring Breakdown. Like a ladies version of Old School meets 13 Going on 30 meets Satisfaction meets my DVD collection.



Friday, March 27, 2009

Hot N Cold done right

I know at this point that I should hate this song, but I can't help it. Sometimes a lady just needs pump up the fake lesbian jams and dance, dance, dance! (much to the horror of the new administrator across from my cubicle)


The Cosby Show porn parody fills void we didn't know needed to be filled

(Via NSFW)

Comedians Wyatt Cenac and Joe Mande talked about Not the Cosby Show XXX at last Wednesday night's "Totally J/K at the UCB Theatre, and while television porn parodies have all but been an amusing sub-genre to point and laugh at (and pretend you're not curious in perusing), there's no way it seemed it could be as ridiculous as they described it.

But it is. Holy shit, it fucking is:

(TRFW: Too Ridiculous For Work- Via)

Wow. No seriously. Wow.

While the Office porn parody seemed funny and harmless enough, this Cosby porn parody is silly...with an undeniable aura of creepiness. Yes, Mr. Ward's Cosby impression is amazingly spot on, but then panning over to the children, to Rudy, it's just...um...no...ugh...and I'm done. My inner seven year-old's soul just committed suicide in shame.

That being said, I'm all for an A Different World porn parody. Dwyane Wayne, Denise, Sinbad...anything to clean my mind of...(haunting shivers).


The Great White Mustachioed Hope

David Wright + mustache = an amusing sliver of hope for blue and orange faithful fully anticipating the worst. But hey, how bout that fancy new stadium of ours?! Huh? How bout...uh...um...sigh.


Trojan Condoms: The proud patriotic prophylactic

Because nothing elicits a sense of patriotism and pride during these tough economic times more than the American flag and the bald eagle. Oh and of course, the Trojan Pleasure Pack.
"Because we believe we should ride out these tough times...together."
Classy, thy name is lubricated latex.


Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Where the Wild Things Are trailer so hip it hurts

I think I just wet my tight hipster pants.


Hipster Hardcore


That's real dedication, holmes.

Oops, old man just one upped you. And that's how you get served. (Oh, snap!)


Twife is like a box of Twittering Twats


The Dot and the Line learns us some love

Everything I know about love I learned from The Dot and the Line: A Romance in Lower Mathematics. Which pretty much explains a lot about the state of my relationships today.



Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Phone Sex Stand Up Comedy

(Via by way of)

I'm not really the biggest fan of prank phone call humor (because I'm not twelve years old anymore) but UCBer, comedian, and all around good guy Gil Ozeri's prank phone call to a phone sex operator requesting a "Bad Stand-Up Comedian" fantasy is pretty much...genius. Just goes to show you that almost anyone could perfect being a hack comedian. It's the phone sex operating that's the real skill.


Monday, March 23, 2009

Tommy Wiseau's The Room takes over New York

I've already expounded on my undying love for the inexplicable awesomeness of The Room, but last Friday night's midnight screening(s) extravaganza was a comedy geekgasm galore.

Introduction by David Wain! Tommy Wiseau's wonderfully somewhat incoherent recitation of Shakespeare's Sonnet 116! More plastic spoons, plastic footballs, confetti and fun shouting at a movie screen than I ever thought was possible!

If (or when) a screening of The Room pops up in your area, don't be an asshole- GO. Your soul will thank you (and DVD just doesn't do it justice; a multitude of jokes just don't appear until seen on the big screen- I never noticed Lisa's crazy alien neck thing!)

For more on The Room in NYC go here and here (and to see a tiny still semblance of yours truly and Lady A among the sold out huddled masses yearning to find the meaning of blind love, look for us here).


Sunday, March 22, 2009

His Girl Friday saunters on a Sunday stroll

In these dark times, a little Cary Grant and Rosalind Russell waxing journalistic poetic can be a nice smidgen of sunshine.


Friday, March 20, 2009

Silence of the Lambs Lego Musical

I vaguely remember hearing about it's Off-Broadway production a few years ago when I was staying in New York, and now really wish I actually went to see it instead of staying home to catch up on my Monk.

The full Silence of the Lambs parody musical is here. Sadly without Lego accompaniment.


Thursday, March 19, 2009

Silly Mac, PCs are for kids

<br/><a href="http://video.msn.com/video.aspx?vid=533e05d2-9f12-4a86-bdda-efd0455fcd36" target="_new" title="Kylie">Video: Kylie</a>

It's hard to not feel inadequate when confronted with a 4 & 1/2 year old kid doing something you're still not sure how to do. And that is why I love my Mac. Because it doesn't make me feel stupid. Just pretentious.


Gobstopper the Movie

Friday Night Lights' Zach Gilford (SARACEN!), Human Giant's Paul Scheer (SCHEER!), and Christopher Lloyd (yes that one) as a deranged Willy Wonka?

I'm not going to say Gobstopper is the best thing ever, because oops, you're mind was just blown. (Via daneckman)


Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs trailer

Because sometimes you need pop culture to remind you just how old you really are. And that stuffing your face full of food at lunch time isn't cute or funny anymore. And that you're a fatty.

You're childhood's over. The end.


Watchmen: Special Edition DVD Alternate Scene


If there is one thing Watchmen got absolutely right, it's this scene. And by absolutely right, I mean wow.


Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Sarah Haskins is a badass

Nuff said. (Also, yay!)


Tuesday, March 17, 2009

When Paul Rudd farts, a lady angel strips off her wings


The idea of Paul Rudd and Jason Segel making fart sounds couldn't possibly be hilarious. But it is. In spite of the fact that it then leads into an awful "bro + random word"-off.


Where the Wild Things Are excites the kid in all of us (except maybe actual kids)

Somewhere in the world, a group of hipster parents are losing themselves in artsy anticipatory euphoria over the prospect of finding an excuse to expose their cherubic offspring to the world of Spike Jonze videos, and Adaptation, Being John Malkovich and possibly even Synecdoche, New York. And somewhere their children are innocently unaware of the afternoon they'll soon be spending in the theater cowering in fear as to why the big monsters are kinda scary and why they couldn't just watch their Paul Blart: Mall Cop DVD instead.

And then the children will inherit the earth... with critically acclaimed, visually stunning, creepy cute nightmares consumed with why their artistic parents ignored their cries for simple, unironic Walmart friendly fare. And we will all have won. Except for them. They will lose. Yum.


Guinness cupcakes beat the Shamrock Shake's green eyed monster any day (especially today)

Chocolate Guinness cupcakes with Bailey's Irish Cream Cheese Frosting
? YES.

McDonald's Shamrock Shakes and Sundaes? Hell to the fuck NO.


Anthropologists love to get down

See guys? My girls in anthropology totally put out. Shocking stat? Poly sci supposedly don't get their political aggression out sexually as much as one would think. The more you know.


Meghan McCain unleashes her inner Tyra

Oh Meghan, with your calm, peaceful politics, and your not letting bitches talk shit about your weight, you're making it real hard for me to not like you. And I do like you. Maybe not in a almost get killed for a crappy reality show way...

...but I do. I really do. One just hopes this new love affair doesn't lead to nefarious associations like, well, um...

...yeah. No.


Paul Rudd & Joe Buck start the drinking off right

Nothing like knocking back a few tall boys and pound cake in the backseat of a cab while cruising for some man action. We now homoerotically plead for the discontinuation of the word "bromance," "bromantic," or anything "bromantically" inclined.


Monday, March 16, 2009

I F*cked That Guy: Indiana Jones Wannabe

On my one and only trip to Austin, TX back while I was in college, I met an Australian graphic designer who had a cute Aussie accent, broad shoulders and the kind of sexy stubble I thought when I was thirteen that all real men had to have (God, I was lame).

Kaelan was a cutie who was always polite and soft spoken when we were out. But when we went back to his place, he showed me a side of himself I hadn't anticipated. His whips. Tons and tons and TONS of whips. It was the most insane collection of whips I'd ever seen in my life (I've been to sex toy conventions since, and they still don't hold a candle to him). They didn't appear to be used for freaky things, he just seemed to really love the craft of whips and spent most of our second night together trying to show off how skilled he was at knocking shit over.

Him: "See that shot glass on top?"

Me: "Yes."

Him: (Crack!) "Aye, you know how hard that is to hit from this far away? (Crack!) Hit another one again!"

Me: "Can we just drink now?"

He was a sweet guy, but his obsession with whips was just too much to overlook. It was also odd that for someone so absorbed with whips, not once did he even consider using them for things other than grabbing hats off racks.

Me: "You want to try that with me?" (motioning towards bull whip)

Him: "What?"

Me: "You know, a little whip action..." (playfully taps ass with whip)

Him: "Hey, don't do that. These aren't toys now."

Me: "Sigh."

As my month in Austin winded down, Kaelan was sweet and respectful of the fact that this was just a fling, and it nice for the most part. Driving me to the airport, he gave me a token of his appreciation for our time together: a pretty little black whip.

I loved it. I cherished it. And you know damn well I whipped the shit out of the next guy I went out with. Crack!


Japan undermines its cuteness with the freaky fashion fembot


I love you Japan. I really do. I love your rice lunchbox artwork, your future of food, and your insanely adorable live video game reenactments. I love your cold, colorful, computer-y cuteness.

Then you did this, the HRP-4C:

I know you love your crazy sex stuff in a cute way, but did you need to do this? Did you have creep the crap out of us with your crazy robo-sex lady?

I don't know Japan. If you weren't so balls groping Hugh Jackman charming...

...I might have to rethink my love. Might. (Unless you're busy making a Javier Bardem sexybot for me. Then we're totally good.)


Kanye Viva's Viagra

88 Keys Ft. Kanye West: "Stay Up (Viagra)"

Finally, the pro-Viagra hip hop video complete with elderly makeup and an unnecessary Pete Wentz cameo the world's been desperately asking for.


Sunday, March 15, 2009

Sister Rosetta Tharpe settles Sunday smoothly


Sister Rosetta Tharpe is gonna kick your ass. And you're going to like it.



Friday, March 13, 2009

How I (Unironically) Met Your (Ironic) Mother


Is there anything that can't be solved by an overpriced American Apparel shirt drenched in cutesy? No, I don't think so. Drape your life in ampersands here.


Ricky Gervais & Elmo ponder necrophilia

I don't know what's more perfect: the idea of a Gervais/Elmo comedy duo, or that the person behind Elmo breaks character while still in character.


George Clooney cames back to ER and makes it all better

Like a high school reunion. Sure, it's great you've got two kids and a dog. That totally beats my being way more world famous than you'll ever be. Hey buddy, can you do the fist pump for old time's sake? Sweet! Oh, don't you look so pretty (no, you do no look so pretty). How's the great film career you left early for? Snakes on a Plane? Oh, I totally saw that (no, I didn't). Wow, he's still...hot?



Thursday, March 12, 2009

Britney sees your Sasha Fierce, and raises her an "If You Seek Amy"

Because sometimes life needs a little double entendre idiocy to liven up our listless Top 40 radio lives. But after her recent wardrobe malfeasance, it's kind of... eh?


Ashton makes ladies twelve years old all over again

It's corny, drawn out and just seems to beg for an "awww" response. It's the kind of story my boyfriends in middle school would tell me or write to me, a half-ass Cyrano-nian effort to get me to let them see my boob or touch it. And I hated myself for falling for it everytime.

Also, awwwwww.


Maddow and Meghan make moderates sexy

It may not be the most in depth or thorough discussion between a liberal and conservative, but it is refreshing to see a civil, adult conversation from opposing sides without the suffocating "my team is better than your team" air. Okay, it wasn't exactly enlightening or game changing, but a openness in perspective, a change in tone in the national dialogue is something we could all desperately use when the shit's hit the fan as hard as it has the past year.

An open, amicable, condescension-less dialogue. Yay.


Malin Akerman reminds us how hilarious Watchmen was

Almost as enjoyable as watching the greatest Cameron Diaz impersonation in a Watchmen film adaptation ever made. Oh, and aren't nerds so geeky in a hilariously interesting way? Ugh.


Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Bye Bye Baby



Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Have brown friend, will travel (or at least look less racist-like in a post-racial society)

  • When I was younger, the magic was found in having the oh-so-rare white friend in a predominantly Hispanic, African American, Indian and Asian neighborhood.
  • In high school, the Italians and the Irish outnumbered the browns, and made me a majority of the minority.
  • In college, there were stretches of classes where I was the only brown person in the class, often times picked to give "the other perspective" in class discussions.
I was unique. I was special. I was brown. Minority pride: it's what's getting the lighter, whiter opposite sex to be intrigued by your exotic pigmentation that's what's for dinner.


Red Shoe Diaries turns the long post-lunch workday afternoon into a late night at your creepy uncle's house


Softcore porn will always have a soft place in my heart.

At around age nine or ten, my parents would drop me off with my uncle for a weekend once a month, to give me time to spend with my cousins as well as time for themselves to be alone (which I later learned, was alone separately). While my uncle's sons were outright tools (one occasion they thought it would be funny to put a cherry bomb inside of a teddy bear cookie jar that was given to me- assholes), he was always nice to me and bought me little gifts like I was some sort of daughter he never had, but always wanted.

He was divorced (I never got to see the mother of the demon spawn) but every so often on those weekends, he'd have a girlfriend he was seeing at the time come over, and somehow the three of us would end up spending time in the kitchen making some sort of warm, sweet concoction as we baked all afternoon (the boys were too busy blowing up neighbor's doghouses or toilets to ruin the fun, thankfully).

But after all the baking was done and the boys were busy playing video games or preparing for their industrious futures as members of Maury's "That ain't my baby" pants off dance off, my uncle and his girlfriend would let me stay up with them watching television late at night, even though it was way past my mother's suggested bed time. And at the time, it was kinda exciting. I was a "grown up" hanging out with grown ups doing grown up things like watching television late at night while the silly kids played in their rooms.

I was a grown up lady woman (who just happened to enjoy her grown up-ness adorned in pink pajamas) and they treated me that way. Even if it meant watching the full blown softcore porn of the Red Shoe Diaries right in front of me. With no hesitation. Or concern for my mental well being.

It wasn't completely creepy, sorta. My uncle and his girlfriend didn't mess around or do anything explicit right in front of me. But they would often giggle or share knowing glances. Sometimes my uncle might pinch his girlfriend on the bum or she might playfully shove him, right while I was sitting on the couch next to them. The television would moan, and the silly (even my Hello Kitty-fied mind at the time thought it was silly) instrumental music would purr, as David Duchovny or some other token boring white guy or girl or both or more at the same time would grind and massage and fake sex themselves into fake ecstasy.

Years later, my uncle and his evil sons would move away to Nebraska. He eventually got married to another nice lady, but never once did we ever talk about those nights nor did I ever tell my parents. It was our little secret. It was also all really well, gross.

But in the end, we made some darn good brownies back then. Which is all my mind wants to remember. No matter what my therapist says. Mmmm.


The Internet's shame is hanging out

I guess the saying your "timing was a bit off" is internet speak for "My pussy is hanging out." Whatever, we still you love Britney! (Even though I'm pretty positive Mr. Editor Man is going to hate this)

Damn internet, couldn't resist just making another awful remix mashup could you?


"For a dreamer, night's the only time of day"-Newsies


Oh James Franco, can you dream no wrong?


Monday, March 9, 2009

Public Enemies trailer

Johnny Depp, Marion Cotillard, Christian Bale, and Billy Crudup in a Michael Mann Depression Era period piece about John Dillinger? Something tells me at least three-quarters of the SMFIH's staff just blew it's mind or soiled themselves (Original metaphors about unnecessary excitement are sadly running low these days).

Granted, it does look slightly by-the-numbers, but after Watchmen's "boy-uh-wow-um-can't-wait-for-the-DVD-ness," some of us need something to look forward to (namely Marion Cotillard and her awkwardly cute thick French accent. Hey now).


Monday is realizing it's just not cute anymore

Friends don't let friends (or co-workers that trust them with their wallets on weekends) to get stupid tramp stamps of dragons choking butterflies just because it's their 30th birthday. Also, sorry.


Screen Test gives the ladies what we want

An interesting mix of actors (Pacey, McDreamy, the cute Riggins and Smash guys from FNL, and Bill Hader from SNL) but all sexy in their own way.



Superman makes us all 13 year old boys


We now resume our usual mature non-thirteen year old behavior, already in progress:


Forced Manners

(Inside of a Best Buy on a Saturday afternoon looking for a copy of Burn After Reading for a birthday present while a gentleman in a plain white baseball cap and bright sky blue t-shirt approaches.)


Continues focused on finding DVD.


Looks up.


Quizzical look.

"Ay, I'm not from around here; I'm from Canada."

Long awkward pause.

"I'm just saying Ay."

Continued silence.

"Could you just say 'ay'?"

Pause. "Okay. 'Ay.'"

"Thank you. That wasn't so hard was it?" (Walks off inaudible muttering except for "asshole.")


Friday, March 6, 2009

Kogi Korean BBQ taco truck makes me succumb to the Twitter monster

I've never been the biggest fan of fusion cuisine. It's not that I've got anything against being all creative and innovative with food, it's just that oftentimes this so-called "fusion food" falls short of the some of its parts, combining interesting elements and ingredients, but failing to create a real unique flavor and texture representing its different components. And way too often people attempt fusion without making sure they're actually good at making the simple dishes they're supposedly inspired by.

Now in comes Kogi Korean BBQ. Korean BBQ in a taco?

As a lover of the many great Mexican food trucks that populate the LA area, I gotta admit I was reluctant at first, because the hype of a bunch of people at night waiting in line can be a bit overblown. Hyped bullshit is still, well, bullshit.

But once you take that first bite into their Korean short ribs taco, that cilantro and chili-soy vinaigrette immersing your mouth and body with more love and joy than your godforsaken boyfriend has in months...it's a sweet and savory flavor that just makes a gal violently curse that seven month old case of Nutri-Grain bars rotting in your backseat.

Their tofu, bbq chicken, spicy pork, and even the unexpectedly good kimchi quesadilla makes the long line waits worth it. Join the hype. Your mouth will thank you.

And no, I'm not ashamed that the only reason I finally joined Twitter was to get Kogi truck location updates (Well, maybe a little).


Breakfast of Champions


Hey, I get it. You're in a rush, bombarded with work, no time for having a decent, healthy breakfast; not everyone can just sit down and take the time to eat something remotely real food-like, like a oatmeal, fruit or a homemade breakfast sandwich of frozen waffles, eggs, cheese, and bacon lumped on top of each other just like mom used to make when she lost all ability to instill any semblance of human dignity and self respect within you.

My morning venti black coffee and sugar free Red Bull combo suddenly doesn't sound so bad. Kinda.


Diddy's P TwittyTV makes the internet worth it

It's good to know that despite the fact that Diddy is rich, famous, owns his own gourmet soul food restaurant and has access to pretty much the best of the best at any hour of any day, that he's still capable of pondering the great quandaries of the common man. Shine on, Shiny Suit Man, shine on.


Thursday, March 5, 2009

The Larry Sanders Show increases work productivity by doing the opposite

When I was a kid, there was much debate between me and the only kid in my neighborhood whose parents let him watch HBO as to which show was more awesome: The Larry Sanders Show or Taxicab Confessions.

"Now you don't talk to her like that. You wash your mouth out with...Hank!" Yup, I think I win.

More full episodes of The Larry Sanders Show here.


Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Wednesdays are Mondays that won't let you go no matter how far you run



Mystery Team premieres in New York

Derrick Comedy's much talked about Sundance submission Mystery Team made its first public screening in New York City last night, and amid all the hype and anticipation, delivered arguably the funniest film of the year thus far.

Mystery Team takes the innocent Encyclopedia Brown/Hardy Boys iconography and explores the idea of what happens when naive kid detectives grow up and struggle to let go while in the crosshairs of an adult world that seemingly has no use for them. It's the absurdist take on this conflict that surprisingly works so well, and supplies the film with a comedic momentum and consistency that makes it so enjoyable.

Jason (Donald Glover), Duncan (D.C. Pierson) and Charlie (Dominic Dierkes) still drink chocolate milk, ride their bikes everywhere, and are confused by their inexplicable unpopularity for continuing their childhood detective agency kowtowing to the whims of the neighborhood's playground population. Yet when an actual double murder takes place, they finally see an opportunity to validate their arrested development, in the hopes of finding credibility for their hard earned lemonade stand diligence.

It's crude, rude, and lewd, yet incredibly charming and funny, with each absurd turn and line of dialogue perfectly punctuated with the appropriate pause of comedic timing. There's sex, drugs, violence and vulgarity to appease their devoted YouTube constituents, but its deft, sweet natured touch makes the film work as a whole.

Transitioning from short-form sketches to a 105 minute full length can be a daunting task for any comedy (see: almost every SNL sketch inspired film), but the Derrick Comedy group succeed in making their absurdism accessible while still being as a silly as they want to be. Glover's performance is a tour de force of mimicry and charm, while his partners in crime Pierson and Dierkes serve as an equally childish and hilarious counterbalance.

The supporting cast is a cavalcade of comedy veterans from the Upright Citizen's Brigade Theater scene, most prominently Aubrey Plaza, alt comedy's It Girl response to indie crush's Zooey Deschanel with a pinch of Janeane Garafalo, new SNLer Bobby Moynihan as a local convenience store Biff Loman, as well as a welcome cameo by original UCB member Matt Walsh who absolutely kills with an unexpected terminal illness joke.

While Mystery Team eventually falls prey to the unavoidable conventions of detective stories, its charming vulgarity makes the expected finale still satisfying. Though it has rightfully drawn comparisons to Napolean Dynamite for its small budget and anticipated cult following, it's widespread appeal could plausibly be likened to the simple sweetness at the core of The 40 Year-Old Virgin: as sweet as a glass of spilled chocolate milk, or losing a wedding ring inside a stripper.


Nothing is sacred. Except McNuggets

Somewhere in the world, there is a woman who feels vindicated for knocking over a Norah Jones CD display case at Starbucks because they got the wrong milk to water ratio in her venti. And no officer, I may be holding her books, but I have never met that woman in my life.


500 Days of Summer trailer: So cute it hurts

Indie pop soundtrack. Charming, always likeable Joseph Gordon-Levitt doing his best madly in love John Cusack circa 1989. Uber indie crush Zooey Deschanel playing the "cynical, jaded non-believer in love. References to finding "the one." No semblance of even the most minute presence of Zach Braff or any Braff-like equivalent.

Yup folks, it's official: we're legally not allowed to not like 500 Days of Summer. Even if it is a bit cutesy. And predictable. And full of awwwww.

For our non-hipster, "manly men" worried/concerned about being dragged to this by their girlfriends: It's got Zooey Deschanel. And Minka Kelly. And Christina Hendricks' fiancee Geoffrey Arend, which isn't like having Christina Hendricks, but is almost like having Christina Hendricks, and oh yeah, did we mention Zooey and Minka? And you're done.


Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Do or Donut, there is no why

Always open

Shame is a dish best served warm...alone...sweet, maybe too sweet...late at night in a corner...the aroma suffocating the senses till the willpower is broken...and then the rapturous bite...mmmmmm....whimper.

Shame knocks and peeks through the door to see if it's over. It comes inside and sits at the foot of your bed, never turning around once to look at you, fixating on the glow of the television screen, the sound of a disembodied laugh track drowning out the tears of sweet, sugary failure.


Blossom Dearie makes love worth loving

It's been several weeks since we've lost the soothing girlish purr of the magical Blossom Dearie, but it's hard to not regret missing out on seeing one of music's most distinguished voices perform while I had the chance.

While I lament the lost opportunity to catch her live round NYC, enjoy a taste of sweetness:

And her Schoolhouse Rock classic, "Figure Eight":

More on the beautiful Blossom Dearie from the best part of my sunshine Saturday morning existence, the eternally awesome Colleen Crumbcake here.


Teacher's Pet

"So what'd you study in school?"


"Oh journalism, huh? Kinda like that Clark Gable film, eh?"

"I don't know-"

"You know which one, the uh, one with that Doris Day broad....Teacher's Pet! There you go!"

"I haven't-"

"Journalism's quite a racket, huh? All the writing and stuff. Man, that movie reminds me- I'm about the same age Clark Gable was in that one; why can't I get my own Doris Day do you figure?"

"I don't know-"

"Age is age is age, right? It's not like I'm not spry like any old regular kind of person. I could run with a nice thirty-something, don't cha think?"


"Exactly. Everything's all open and modern and such, right? So there's nothing wrong with a middle aged 74 year-old like myself getting with a nice young lady like that receptionist lady at the front desk, right?"

"Actually, I'm not sure if-"

"Boy, just like it was before it used be what it became, right? When you and I used to kick back and drink to our hearts content. Didn't need anything but a few bucks to my name, a working hot plate, and a nice lady for the night. Those were the days, you know."


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